i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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