I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
