we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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