We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
