Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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