At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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