I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
