mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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