my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
