i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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