gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
