new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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