On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
