I wannas sexs uuuuu
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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