Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
