Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize