It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
