You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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