You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
