you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
