oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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