Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
