Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
