Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
