Apparently you make a good broom.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
