Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
