I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
