i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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