My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
