If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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