Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
do nipples grow back?
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