i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
