Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
