i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
