I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
