I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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