I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
