I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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