I think my vagina is haunted
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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