Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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