How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
