He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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