I think scott just propositioned me for sex
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
