Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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