Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
