i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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