i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
