were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Randomize
