I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
