she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
