fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
