help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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