i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Randomize
